Locked Memories
by Colleen17
Summary: A new hand from Heath's past causes trouble on Heath's first roundup as an equal partner. Nick learns a costly lesson.
1. Chapter 1

New hands were arriving everyday for the past week for the upcoming roundup. Heath, as usual, casually stood in the background and watched his brother Nick question the men. This would be Heath's first roundup on the Barkley ranch as an equal with his brother. He couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed with it all; being a Barkley was new and was taking a bit of getting used to. Heath would have preferred to be in charge of the horses and leave the moving of the herd up to Nick.

A family meeting had decided that Heath was to have equal control and authority as Nick. Heath wasn't asked if this is what he wanted and reluctantly agreed to the decision made by the rest of the family. He could see that Nick was not happy with the decision but agreed to it without protest.

Heath concentrated on the questions being asked and listened to Nick's explanations for not hiring. He was looking over towards the coral when the name Sam Watson was given. Heath looked the man over. "Nick!"

Nick turned around and looked at Heath. Heath shook his head. Nick gave Heath a confused look and ignored his brother's input. Satisfied with the new hands answers, Nick hired him despite Heath's objection. Sam Watson gave Heath the once over and walked away not indicating if he recognised Heath.

Heath sighed and bowed his head. Sam Watson would be trouble. Heath recognised him from Caterson prison, although a fellow union soldier, he was part of a gang called Raiders, who stole from fellow soldiers. Some of the newer soldiers punished caught Raiders but Watson had somehow avoided being caught.

Heath knew it would be no point asking Nick to fire Watson. Nick would do the opposite to whatever Heath wanted just to make the point 'I'm in charge!' to Heath. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, willing the blood curdling memories to take their place behind the prison walls in his mind. All it would take would be a name, a smell or a sound to cause a memory to escape and it would then take all of his concentration to catch it and put it back where it belonged. Having Sam Watson on the drive would cause Heath great distress and it would take all his inner strength to keep the locked up memories within the confines of the walls in his mind.

Heath walked away and entered the tack room. He tidied up the room and started to get together the gear that would be needed for the roundup. Noticing that some of the items needed repairing, he got to work and managed to block out all his unwanted memories by concentrating on the job at hand. He was concentrating so intensely that he lost all track of time.

"Heath!" Jarrod called to his brother and noticed the startled look on Heath's face when he entered the room. "It's time for supper and…since this will be the last meal the family will have together for a couple of weeks…I have been summoned to get you." Jarrod's smile faltered when his younger brother frowned. He saw a shadow pass over Heath's eyes.

"I'll just finish up here Jarrod and I'll be right in." Heath replied in his quiet manner.

Jarrod worried about his new younger brother. He had fought to be a part of this family but he could see that it was overwhelming him at the same time. Jarrod felt a little guilty for not trying to make the transition into the family a little easier for his brother but with his work load and the quietness of his brother, to the point of forgetting he was in the room, he really hadn't had the time to get to know him.

"Don't take too long. Mother doesn't like to be kept waiting." Jarrod said teasingly.

Heath gave a half smile and nodded his head. When Jarrod left he sighed and put the tools he had been using away. He really didn't feel like eating but would put an appearance in and try to eat enough to satisfy Mrs Barkley. He hoped that by just being there would be enough and that no one would comment on the amount of food left on his plate. Memories of Caterson always affected his appetite, having been starved for his eight months of captivity.

Heath entered the house by the back stairs and quickly washed up and changed his shirt. He walked down the large staircase slowly and listened for the sounds of his family. They were already seated at the table. Nick as usual was scowling at Heath for being late, Audra gave her new brother a big smile, Jarrod nodded to Heath and Victoria gave a small smile and bowed her head to say grace. He knew she was not happy with him being late but as far as Heath was concerned she should just be happy that he made the effort.

Everyone chattered about various things over dinner. Heath listened in on different conversations still trying to get to know everyone. He pushed his food around the plate; the smell of the cooked cabbage almost sent him outside. He swallowed the bile that rose in his mouth. It was a second reminder for the day and Heath knew that sleep tonight was going to be difficult. 'Thank goodness for whiskey' he thought.

Unable to keep control of his stomach Heath pushed his chair back and said, "Excuse me." Heath quickly left the room and ran to the upstairs washroom. He lost the battle of keeping what little food he had in his stomach down. He washed his face and brushed his teeth. When he sat back down everyone stopped talking.

"Is everything alright Heath?" Victoria Barkley asked her step son. She noticed that Heath was struggling with the meal and made a mental note to take cabbage off the menu.

"Yes…thankyou ma am." Heath looked up and glanced at Victoria hoping conversations would resume and the attention would be taken away from him. He tried hard not to breathe in the smell of the cabbage but found himself unable to continue eating. He picked up his napkin and put it over his mouth and nose and breathed in the smells of the clean linen. He picked up his plate and went to the kitchen. Silas looked at him questionably.

"The cabbage Silas…It reminds me too much of Caterson…I can't eat with that smell."

Silas quickly grabbed his plate and replaced it with a new plate minus the cabbage. Heath took it gratefully and took a deep breath trying to settle his nerves. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry Mr Heath. I understand. Just tell me if anything else causes you these worries." Silas patted the arm of the newest member of the family. Their early morning talks had given Silas an insight into the tormented world of Heath Thomas Barkley. He walked into the dining room with Heath and discretely drew attention away from Heath by fussing over the other members of the family with the gravy. Only Victoria noticed the elimination of the cabbage from Heath's plate.

After the meal the family relaxed in the games room. Heath threw down two quick brandies hoping his stomach would settle and that the alcohol would help him sleep.

"Did you hire enough men for the roundup?" Jarrod asked his brother Nick.

"We have enough…Could do with a few more…but we have enough to get us through. By the way Heath….What was wrong with Watson?" Nick looked at Heath challengingly.

"I know him. He's no good." Heath poured himself another drink.

"Know him from where?"

Heath sighed. "Does it matter Nick? You would hire him no matter what I said." Heath downed his drink and turned to face everyone. "Goodnight." He quickly left the room and took the stairs two at a time.

Nick shook his head and raised his hands at his brother as if to say 'See what I have to put up with.'

Jarrod frowned. "Nick, why did you employ this Watson…if Heath asked you not to?"

"He's experienced and like I said we needed more men so I wasn't going to turn away a good hand." Nick wasn't about to let Jarrod tell him who to hire for the roundup.

Jarrod shook his head. "I think you're making a mistake by not listening to Heath. Let's just hope that you don't regret it."

"I've got two thousand head to round up Pappy. Heath will have to put his dislikes aside and get on with it." Nick announced.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Heath sat up, sweat dripped from his face, he gasped for air. His body was shaking so hard he couldn't stand, let alone pour some water in his glass. His door opened and the light of a lamp extended from the doorway.

"Heath? Are you alright?" Jarrod entered the room and worriedly placed the lamp down, grabbed the pitcher and poured some water into the empty glass. "Here. Drink this."

Heath shakily took the glass. He felt embarrassed as he tried to get the glass to his lips without spilling the water. He was unsuccessful. Jarrod reached out and placed his hand over Heath's and steadied his hand so he could drink. "Thanks."

Heath looked down, unable to look Jarrod in the eye. Jarrod put the glass back and smiled at Heath reassuringly. "Would you like to talk about it?"

Heath ran his hand over his face and took a deep, shaky breath. "I can't Jarrod. If I talk about it….it makes it real….and I've tried too hard to forget. It was the cabbage…the smell….it reminded me of some memories I try not to think about. It just happens sometimes and catches me off guard." Heath felt his body calming. "I'm sorry I woke you."

Heath got back under the covers telling Jarrod he wanted to go back to sleep. Jarrod rose reluctantly and lifted the lamp. "The offer is always there if ever you want to talk Heath."

"Thanks again Jarrod."

Jarrod quietly left Heath's room and as he closed the door his mother waved to him to enter her room. "Is he alright?"

"Yes mother….a little shook up but yes he's alright. He said the cabbage reminded him of some memories….they must have been bad memories." Jarrod kissed his mother's forehead and said goodnight.

Heath laid in his bed staring at the ceiling trying to push the dream back behind the wall in his mind. He had no idea how to stop the memories escaping. He hoped that being exhausted on the roundup would help him sleep and he needed to try to avoid Watson. Heath sighed; he would get no more sleep tonight. Starting the roundup tired was not good.


	2. Chapter 2

Heath gave up on sleep and quietly packed. He grabbed his boots and gear and made his way down the hallway to the stairs. He entered the kitchen via the back stairs and placed his gear on the floor. He was too early for Silas so he made some coffee and a sandwich from left over roast beef. His thirst and hunger satisfied, he made his way over to the barn.

Heath's modoc nickered as he entered the barn. He groomed and saddled her all the time talking softly to her. She was a good horse and they had been together for some years. Heath started loading a wagon with the gear he had taken from the tack room. He could hear noises coming from the bunk house. Heath made his way back to the house knowing he would be expected to join the family for breakfast.

Silas greeted Heath with a cup of coffee and some freshly baked biscuits. "Thanks Silas…I'm gonna miss our early mornings."

"Plenty of mornings to come…..You just take care of yourself." Silas patted Heath on the back and took on a serious look. "Mr Nick might not show it but he does need you. He's been needing a best friend since his daddy died."

Heath smiled and nodded, not knowing if he liked the idea of replacing his father for Nick. He walked into the dining room and sat down at the table. Victoria was already seated. He smiled and said, "Good morning."

"Good morning Heath. How are you this morning? All ready for the roundup?" Victoria asked cheerily.

"Wagons loaded and my horse is saddled and ready….Yes I'm ready." Heath answered as he started to load up his plate. His stomach felt better and grumbled for food.

Victoria smiled at Heath and was pleased to see him eat. She noticed the dark circles under his eyes and wondered if he got any sleep after his nightmare. "You must have been up at the crack of dawn."

"Yes I was Ma am. Best time of the day. When you see the sun rise, you know you are alive to live another day." Heath frowned, 'Where did that come from?' he asked himself.

"Your father and I would sometimes ride up to the north ridge and watch the sun rise. It was his favourite time of the day also." Heath stopped chewing and smiled. Somehow this lady made him feel accepted as Tom Barkley's son with statements like that.

Nick burst into the room breaking the moment. "Well Good morning Mother…..Heath." Nick sat down and started loading his plate up with food. He pointed his fork at Heath. "Eat up. It's the last good meal you'll have for a couple of weeks. Cookie has no variety when it comes to cooking on the range. Beans and ham. Burnt ham!"

"When I'm scouting I'll catch me some rabbits to break up the meals."

"Huh! You'll have to skin them. Cookie won't." Nick said between bites.

"That's alright. I can do that." Heath responded.

"You won't have time boy. Just concentrate on the roundup." Nick said sternly.

"There's always time Nick." Heath answered quietly not wanting to argue.

"There'll be no time. You have no idea how hard roundups are here."

"I've been on roundups before Nick. Bigger ones than this. I know how hard they can be." Heath unclenched his jaw and breathed in slowly calming his temper.

"Yeah! Where?" Nick demanded.

Heath calmly turned and laid down his fork. "The Ponderosa in Nevada. The triple M in Texas. The Silver Spur in Texas. Need I go on?"

"Nick that's enough. This is your last meal at home for some time so let's eat and keep it civil." Victoria admonished her son.

"Yes Mother…Sorry….Sorry Heath didn't mean to imply you had no experience and…." Nick waved his fork in the air not knowing how to properly apologise to his new brother. Deep down he respected the hard work of his brother but just couldn't get past that Heath was a reminder of his father's unfaithfulness.

"That's alright Nick." Heath said quietly.

"So you worked on the Ponderosa. I've heard of it. Owned by Cartwright."

"Yes that's right. It's run by Joe Cartwright, the youngest son. He and I became friends when he rode for the pony express. I worked at a relay station for a few months, looking after the horses. I was too young to ride. He was one of the best riders. His older brother, who's not alive anymore, ran another relay station further down the line. He's a good friend. I call in and visit every so often and help out on the ranch. They mainly raise cattle and horses. Joe's one of the best horse trainers I know. He taught me a lot about horses and gentling them."

"Did I hear correctly. Cartwright and the Ponderosa. I do believe we have a mutual friend. I know Adam Cartwright. Met him in San Francisco and did some legal work for him. Still do as a matter of fact." Jarrod kissed his mother on the cheek and slapped Nick on the back.

"I've never met Adam but Joe has told me a few stories about him." Heath responded.

"Adam's told me a few stories about Joe and his brother Hoss…if I recall correctly."

"Hoss died a few years back in a flood. Joe and he were more than brothers, they were best friends. Be nice to have that kind of relationship." Heath looked at his plate lost in memories of times before the war.

Jarrod looked knowingly at Nick. Nick responded with a scowl causing Jarrod to shake his head. He knew if Nick gave Heath a chance they would have that kind of relationship but he needed to come to terms with his father's infidelity before that could happen. Breakfast was finished in silence, each person lost in their own thoughts.

If Nick was surprised to see the wagon fully loaded he didn't let on. The men were gathered and told who they took their orders from and what was expected of them. Heath admired the way Nick was able to get instant respect from all the newcomers. He wished that one day he could get that same respect but didn't think it would happen anytime in the near future. Too many people knew about his parentage and held it against him rather than his parents.

They made their way to the main herd and quickly started to move them southwest. Most of the men worked well. It was quickly established by Heath who the hard workers were and who the lazy ones were. Nick sent Heath several times into the brush chasing out strays. He was tired by the end of the day but gave his horse a good rub down and talked quietly to her. He noticed Watson was very casual with the grooming of his horse, doing the bare minimum. It was soon established by all the hands that Watson was someone you didn't rely on. He did only what was asked of him and never helped anyone. 'Not my job' was a phrase he freely used.

Heath took his plate from cookie and ate alone. A young hand sat down next to Heath to eat his meal. "Mind if I share this log?"

"No go right ahead." Heath replied. They sat in silence. Heath watched his brother Nick sit and joke with the older hands.

"Your brother is a good boss. He's fair when it comes to handing out the jobs. Some of the roundups I've worked on, because of my age, just give me drag. No he's a good boss."

"Yeah, everyone likes Nick." Heath sighed and stood up. "I'm going to get some more coffee. You want some?" He asked the young hand.

"Yeah thanks." He handed his cup to Heath. "Name's Dan by the way."

"Nice to meet you Dan. I guess you already know my name." Heath shook the young man's hand.

Heath had made a friend after the first day of roundup. He considered that a victory. He had only thought of Caterson once whilst watching Watson give his horse a casual groom. 'So far so good' he thought and shook his head. He really needed to relax and enjoy the roundup. Pity Nick sought out the hands to share his evening with rather than his brother. Heath saddled one of the spare horses and went for a ride to check on the herd and the hands guarding it. He didn't see his brother watch him ride out. He also didn't see his brother let out a long breath, relieved to see his brother return. Heath quickly brushed the horse and put away his saddle. He grabbed some coffee and walked over to the log he sat on whilst eating dinner. He was deep in thought when Nick approached him.

"Have a good ride? I would have thought you'd be tired of sitting in the saddle." Nick sat down next to Heath trying not to appear threatening.

"I set a few snares and checked on the herd."

Nick smiled to himself. "Sick of beans already?"

Heath looked at his brother and saw the mischievous glint in his eyes. "If I didn't know you better, I'd say you set me up."

"Who me?" Nick placed his hand on his chest looking shocked that his brother would think such a thing.

Heath smiled and for the first time in weeks they laughed together and felt a kinship. "I'll help you check them in the morning." Nick told his brother and slapped him on the back.

"Thanks Nick." Heath looked away trying not to show his brother how desperate he was for his approval. He placed the memory firmly in his mind outside the wall of bad memories. That night he slept peacefully.


	3. Chapter 3

The rabbit stew put everyone in a good mood and soon small groups were formed amongst the hands playing cards and checkers. Heath kept his distance not wanting to force his friendship on anyone. Dan ate dinner with Heath and talked about some of the various jobs he had. He reminded Heath of himself.

"Do you have family Dan?" Heath asked.

"Just my ma….back in Oregon. She owns a small dress shop. Nothing as fancy as those ones in Stockton." He answered.

"They sure are fancy….You know my little sister must know every item that's being sold in those shops. She spends so much time in them." Dan laughed.

"You're lucky you have brothers and a sister." Dan said wistfully.

"Wasn't always like that. I grew up very alone…just me and my mother. I didn't know who my father was. She told me when she died….so I came to this valley looking for my family…and I found them….but before that I was very alone." Heath rolled his smoke. The conversation was interrupted by a shout. Heath stood up and looked for Nick but he was nowhere to be seen.

Heath walked over to the commotion. "What's wrong?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong…There's a thief amongst us….I'm missing ten dollars from my bedroll." Jim Mason, one of the older hands shouted angrily.

"When was the last time you saw it Jim?" Heath asked.

"I don't know. Why?"

"Just to work out when it went missing is all." Heath replied.

"You know Heath you're sounding like Jarrod." McCabe announced, also trying to keep things calm. Heath looked around for Watson, then he realised he was on guard duty.

"I need to know when you last saw it." Heath stated again.

Jim thought back and said, "This morning. When I rolled up the bedroll I checked the little pouch I have inside my bedroll…see!"

"Who was around you this morning….when you were rolling up your bedroll?" Heath further asked.

"I couldn't tell you Heath. There were a lot of the men around. We were all packing up together."

"Don't worry Jim…here." Heath handed Jim ten dollars. "If it turns up…give it back to me." Heath patted the man on the back and made a mental note to keep an eye on where Watson slept in future. He knew it would be hard to catch him but unlike in Caterson, he wasn't a weak starving kid anymore. He would get great satisfaction catching him. Unfortunately, those thoughts came at a price. Heath found himself being shaken by Nick to wake up. His body was shaking and he was gasping for breath. Nick gave him some water, steadying the canteen as he lifted it to his mouth. Heath didn't see him wave to the woken hands to go back to sleep.

"I'm sorry Nick….I didn't mean to wake you." Heath took a deep breath and slowly calmed his body. He looked around but no one else was awake. "I'm just going to go for a walk." Heath rose on shaky legs and started to walk into the darkness.

"Want some company?" Heath stopped and looked at Nick. He nodded without looking directly at Nick, feeling very vulnerable, but he didn't want to be alone.

"Who's Banter?"

Heath stopped abruptly, his heart racing and his mind was swirling with memories. It was swirling so much that he was unable to grasp onto any one memory. Instead snippets of memories raced through his mind. He swayed and Nick grabbed his arm, afraid he would fall over.

"I knew him a long time ago." Heath rubbed his face. He needed a drink to settle his nerves. He sat down under a tree and leaned against the trunk. He slowed his breathing and heart all the time pushing the memories back behind the prison walls within his mind. Heath filled his mind with the time spent with Nick collecting the rabbits caught in his snares. That wasn't enough, so he thought about his new home and the friendship he had with Silas and Audra.

Nick watched the emotions pass over his brother's face. There was so much he didn't know about his brother. 'Did he really want to get to know his little brother?' He didn't know and so he left Heath alone thinking that he would prefer it that way.

Once Heath had his emotions under control he looked up to answer Nick but he was gone. Heath sighed disappointedly, blaming himself for taking too long to pull himself together. His inability to answer Nick had pushed not only the memories away but his brother also. He stood up and kicked the ground. Everything was going fine. Damn you Watson. Why did you have to come to Stockton looking for work? Heath sat for a while longer and then headed back to his bedroll. He couldn't sleep so he saddled his horse and checked on the herd. He ended up sending back one of the hands after finding him asleep in the saddle. He told him he was on drag for tomorrow.

Nick sat next to his brother for breakfast the next morning. "Where did you disappear to last night?"

"I took over from Travis. I found him asleep in the saddle. He's on drag all day today." Heath told Nick.

"Is he now?" Nick stated condescendingly.

Heath turned his head and said, "Yes!"

"Ok…ok…Have it your way." Nick put up his hands surrendering to his brother.

Heath couldn't help but half smile at Nick. He at least won this small battle. Heath looked around for Watson and saw him asleep next to Dan. Knowing Dan probably had nothing of value, he wasn't worried.

The next couple of days things ran smoothly, Nick and Heath even managed to do some fishing, another welcomed change from beans. Heath invited Dan but he declined, in fact Heath got the impression that Dan was avoiding him. He thought back to his last conversation and realised Dan had a problem with Heath growing up without a father. He didn't understand why it bothered people so much. It didn't make him a bad person just his situation. He was disappointed that someone so young could be so judgemental but he had put up with it all his life and he wasn't going to lose any sleep over it.

The whole day the herd had been restless. Steers continuously tried to make a break for it. Heath and his mudock found themselves continuously chasing one particular steer back into the herd. He dropped back and spoke to Nick about double guard duty. Nick agreed. It was at that moment all hell broke loose. The same steer made a break for it and Nick called out to Watson and pointed in the direction of the steer. Watson looked and shrugged his shoulders. More steers broke loose. Heath kicked his heels into his horse and gave chase. Nick followed.

No one was able to pinpoint what exactly happened but one minute the herd was moving along southwest, the next minute they were stampeding southeast. Heath had his back to the herd trying to lasso the runaway steer. His horse reared when the herd descended on them and in the panic the runaway steer turned on Heath. Nick watched in horror as both Heath and his horse went down. Watson was the closest but instead of going to Heath's aid he continued with the herd trying to slow them down.

Nick pushed his horse to the limit and lent over to grab Heath. Somehow Heath's hand latched onto Nicks and he pulled him up onto his horse behind him. Heath searched frantically for his horse but couldn't see her anywhere. It was once everything was calmed down and Nick had Heath in the camp cleaning all his scratches that word got back about his horse. She was dead having been impaled by the runaway steer. Heath bowed his head unable to stop the burning sensation in his eyes. His faithful friend was gone.

Nick continued to clean Heaths wounds. He had a nasty gash over his ribs. Heath stared at nothing, flinching slightly when Nick applied the liniment to the various scratches and cuts. 'She was gone…his last link to his previous life.' Heath was lying down, not knowing how he got there when McCabe approached Nick.

"How many head lost?"

"Ten and two horses. Heaths and Dans." McCabe answered.

"Is Dan alright?" Nick asked with concern.

"Yes he's fine."

"Does anyone know how this started?" Nick asked.

"Someone was cutting through the steers and spooked them." McCabe declared.

"Who?" Nick asked.

"Not sure…but I'll ask around." McCabe stated. "How is he?" McCabe nodded his head toward Heath.

"Bit banged up. Bad gash over his ribs. I think a couple are cracked but he'll be alright."

"Shame about the horse. He really loved that horse." McCabe shook his head. "He's lucky you were close by."

"That reminds me…WATSON!...Where is he? He was closer and just left Heath." Nick wanted to pound the man that thought the steers were more important than his brother. Nick stopped and ran those thoughts through his head again. He was mad as hell at Watson but then he thought how Heath had asked him not to hire Watson, he had put the herd first. He sighed and sat down next to his brother and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry Heath…For everything."

Nick saw a single tear escape from Heaths eyes. "McCabe can you take over for a while. I just want to sit here with Heath."

"Sure Nick…Take your time…Me and Jim will take care of everything."

Nick had finally realised what Jarrod had been trying to get him to see. Nick stayed with his brother watching over him, helping him sit up and drink and just generally reassuring him that everything was going to be alright. It wasn't until mid morning the next day that Heath finally responded to Nick's talking.

"Thanks for saving me out there Nick." Heath said sadly to his brother.

"That's what big brothers are for and from now on you better get used to it." Nick said gruffly.

"You're a fraud Nick Barkley." Heath stated but Nick could see a smile tugging at his mouth.

"You just rest little brother while I see to this herd." Nick patted Heath on the arm and called out to one of the hands. Heath watched his brother take charge. His eyes drifted off to sleep.

Heath felt someone tugging at his jacket. He opened his eyes to find Watson leaning over him and going through his pockets. "Get off me." Heath was lost in his memories, "You're a Raider! Get off me!" He grabbed Watson's arms, ignoring the pain in his ribs. No one was in camp to help Heath. The two men struggled.

"So you were in Caterson. I thought so. Told your friend that that dream you had was from being in prison. Didn't tell him what prison."

Heath kicked out at Watson but his cracked ribs snapped and soon he was finding it hard to draw in a breath. He continued to struggle with Watson but the lack of oxygen was tiring him out. Watson pulled the remaining cash Heath had in his pocket out and stood up.

Watson stood over Heath and watched him struggle to draw in life saving breaths. His lips were turning blue and his eyes were slowly closing. Watson jumped on his horse and rode out of camp. No one would know how Heath's ribs were suddenly broken, probably think he tried to get up and the movement broke them. Watson was sure by the time someone looked in on him he would be dead. Just like the soldiers they robbed in Caterson.

Heath drew in small painful breaths. "Nick!" He called his brother as his eyes lost focus and he drew in his last few breaths.


	4. Chapter 4

A shadow fell over Heath as he continued to take in small breaths. The pain in his chest was horrific but he stubbornly ignored it and kept taking small breaths. He thought he heard his name but all sounds seemed far away as his ears filled with a roaring sound. His upper body was lifted and rested against someone. The relief was instant. He drew in bigger breaths and the warmth from the person holding him enveloped him.

Nick frantically raised his brother and sat behind him. He kept calling his name and encouraged him to breathe. McCabe opened Heath's shirt and felt around his ribs. "They're broken Nick!"

"Can't be! They were only cracked. You saw yourself when we strapped them." Nick exclaimed. He could feel his brother relax and breathe a little easier.

"I don't know what happened Nick, but they are definitely broken now." McCabe declared. "Maybe he tried to get up."

"Yeah maybe….get me some water." Nick looked down at his brother. "What happened Heath? I thought I told you to lay still and rest." He shook his head and frowned. Heath's lips were moving but no sound was coming out.

Heath looked up at his brother and tried to tell him about Watson but his struggles with breathing prevented him from talking. His frustration showed in his eyes and his breathing became laboured again. He could feel his brother tighten his embrace as if trying to give him some of his strength to fight and fight he did. Each breath was a victory.

"When this roundup is over…..you and me are going to go up to the lodge and do a little fishing…..and you are going to tell me every detail of your life. I want to know who Heath Thomas Barkley is….and when you've told me everything I'm going to tell you all about Nick Barkley and…..I'm going to tell you all about Tom Barkley and what he meant to me. Just you and me…and the fish of course. Yeah….that's what we're going to do."

For the first time in his life Heath felt himself surrender to another persons care, fully trusting that person to take care of him. His breathing calmed and his body relaxed as a peaceful tranquillity engulfed him. It was a good feeling; one which he hoped would last forever.

Nick and McCabe rewrapped Heath's ribs. Nick held onto his brother declining offers from a couple of the older hands to take over while he ate. Heath eventually drifted off to sleep. McCabe and Jim continued with looking after the herd while Nick concentrated on looking after Heath. Until he knew exactly what had happened he trusted no one with Heath other than McCabe.

Heath mumbled in his sleep and Nick heard words he had not heard since the war. He knew Heath was too young to have been involved in the war but also knew that if you had a needed skill the army overlooked age. One word stood out and sent shivers down Nick's spine. 'Raiders' He had heard that word used only amongst surviving prisoners of war. Some soldiers were executed for killing and steeling from fellow soldiers in the prisons. If Heath knew such a word then he was more than likely in a prison during the war at some time. These thoughts shook him. He had only personally known one person who had been a prisoner and the stories he had shared with him were horrifying. His friend having survived the horrors of war died from a bullet fired by an unknown person whilst out riding on his ranch.

Nick looked down at his brother and a wiped a cool cloth over his forehead. He could see Heath's face relax into the ministration. All of a sudden a protective urge overcame him as he realised how much he had come to love this man. He was his brother and he had treated him badly. "Heath we're going to get through this and we're going to start over. You hear! Things are going to be different this time little brother."

"And….we're…going to…to…to go…fishing." Nick strained to hear his brother's whisper. He smiled at the trusting blue eyes looking up at him.

"Yeah that's right….fishing." Nick joyfully told Heath.

"Promise?"

"It's a promise little brother. Here…have some water."

Heath gratefully took a drink and drifted contently off to sleep. Nick sighed with relief. With the aid of a flour sack he and McCabe settled Heath sitting up against the sack in his saddle. Satisfied Heath was comfortable they made plans for the rest of the roundup while Nick ate.

"Alright then we'll gather the herd here instead of further south. We'll just add a couple of days to the drive seeing we're starting further back." With their plans all agreed upon the men were sent in groups of four to various parts of the ranch to roundup the cattle. Nick made sure an experienced long time employed hand was with each group. He remained close to camp helping out with guarding the main herd and keeping an eye on Heath.

Heath slept most of the time, waking for short periods to only drink and eat small amounts of food. Very slowly Heath's breathing improved and with that came his voice. Cookie was giving Heath a drink when he asked, "Where's Nick? I need to tell him something."

"He's guarding the herd….should be back soon."

Heath nodded and relaxed. He was determined to stay awake. Nick needed to be told about Watson. He felt better and his chest although still very sore didn't hurt as much to breath. Heath watched Cookie prepare supper and smiled when he saw the skinned rabbits being roasted. Nick had obviously set up some snares around camp. He heard two voices approaching the camp. One he recognised instantly was Watson, the other he couldn't quite make out. He looked towards Cookie who was busy peeling some potatoes. At least he wasn't alone he thought.

Watson looked over towards Heath and sneered. He then looked over at Cookie and saw that he was not going anywhere soon. He had to do something to get Cookie away from the camp for just enough time for him to finish off Heath before he told his brother what had happened. He noticed the bucket of water next to Cookie's feet and devised a plan in his head. Very casually Watson strolled over towards Cookie and asked "What's for supper?"

Cookie looked up surprised at the question. "Isn't it obvious?" He pointed the knife he was using to peel the potatoes at the open fire that was cooking the rabbits.

"Yeah I suppose it is." Watson pretended to trip and as Cookie reached out to steady him Watson kicked over the bucket, emptying the water over the fire.

Cookie jumped up. "I'm sorry Cookie. Here you get some more water and I'll get the fire restarted." Cookie snatched the bucket and grumbled as he walked towards the stream.

"Of all the clumsiest cowboys….got to start over….wish they'd stay away from camp til chows on." Watson watched him disappear.

He approached Heath chuckling at his cleverness. He saw Heath tense as he got closer to his prey. "Stubborn cuss aren't you? I thought for sure you were going to die but that brother of yours made sure you didn't."

"Get away from me Watson."

"Huh! What are you gonna do? You couldn't do anything in that prison and you can't do anything now."

Heath looked around for something to use as a weapon but before he knew it a blanket was over his face smothering him. The force of the blanket was so strong he was sure he felt his nose break. Watson was straddled over him, his knees pinning Heaths arms to the ground. Heath was trapped and darkness was closing in.

Thoughts of fishing with his brother and unburdening the horrors of Caterson with his brother raced through his mind. Just when he was about to submit to the darkness the weight of Watson was gone. He could hear through the roaring in his ears a scuffle and words such as 'Stinking Skunk'.

The blanket was lifted from his face and Heath blinked against the light. "Easy Heath…just slow down your breathing…everything's ok now." Heath reached for his brother and felt his hand taken and held on to it tightly. His brother wiped the blood from his face.

"How is he?" Cookie asked.

"His nose is broken. I need some more water."

"Here." Cookie handed the bucket he had just filled to Nick.

Nick pinched the top of Heath's nose to stop the bleeding. It hurt like hell and Heath couldn't help but gasp when Nick applied more pressure. "I'm sorry Heath….I know it hurts but I need to stop the bleeding."

Heath's eyes were turning black and his nose was swelling. "Nick. Where's Watson?"

"Out cold." Nick nodded his head over to the side.

"Tie him up Nick before he wakes up. He's dangerous. I was going to tell you. He broke my ribs when he robbed me."

Nick could see Heath struggling to tell him about Watson. His breathing was coming in short bursts and his strength was draining away. "Just slow down Heath…you can tell me everything later."

"No!...I have to tell you now….please." Heath pleaded with his brother.

"Ok Heath…calm down….just take it slow." Nick reassured his brother.

"He….Watson….was in Caterson the same time as me…..He was part of a gang called Raiders."

"I've heard about them. A good friend of mine was in Andersonville and he told me about them."

"Watson killed my friend Banter….he was protecting me….I was real sick and he got me some fresh water….just a mouthful but Watson killed him before he was able to give it to me. I told some of the newer prisoners about him but they never caught him. He's a killer Nick."

"Ok, ok now calm down. We'll take him to the sheriff and we'll get Jarrod to find out how we can get him convicted for killing your friend. Now calm down. Big brother will take care of everything." Nick smiled at his brother but couldn't keep the anguish from his eyes. His brother couldn't have been more than a boy in that prison. He checked Heath's nose and was relieved to see that the bleeding had stopped.

Cookie had tied up Watson. He had the fires going and finished preparing supper. Nick cleaned Heath up and sat with him until he fell asleep. His ribs were fine, luckily Watson hadn't put any weight on Heath's chest. His arms were bruised and his face was swollen. Nick shook his head. Heath was a mess.

The hands returned and looked questionably at the tied up Watson. One look at Heath and they knew what had happened. Dan was standing around looking sheepishly at Heath. He asked Jim, "Have you heard of Caterson Prison?"

Jim looked at Dan startled. "Caterson! What would you want to know about that hellhole for? You wouldn't have been more than a boy. It was a Confederate Prison in New Mexico. Lot of Union soldiers died there. I heard it was as bad as Andersonville." Jim shook his head.

"The war…the civil war?"

"Yes." Jim answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Heath was in there. So was Watson. I heard Heath tell Mr Barkley that Watson was a Raider in the prison and that he killed his friend for a mouthful of water." Jim looked at Dan then looked over at Heath horrified.

"Are you sure…Heath wouldn't have been old enough….but then again a lot lied about their age." Jim shook his head again and looked at Heath with concern but Dan could see Jim also look on with added respect for Heath. Jim grabbed a couple of the hands and talked quietly to them. They too looked at Heath and had the same look of respect on their faces.

The mood in the camp changed dramatically. Nick realised that somehow word had got around about Heath and Watson and Caterson. There was a continuous stream of offers to help with Heath and no one complained about work assignments. All the hands busily went out of their way to make it easier for Nick to concentrate on Heath. Nick even felt a tiny bit sorry for Watson as he was continuously spat on and sneered at.

Heath was oblivious to it all as his eyes swelled shut from the broken nose. Nick knew he would need to get Heath to a doctor and turn Watson over to the sheriff. He sent a hand back to the ranch to bring back a wagon and the sheriff. It was going to be a long couple of days but with the hands change in attitudes towards Heath he knew his brother was safe. He just needed to convince Heath.


	5. Chapter 5

Heath flinched when he felt a hand adjust his blanket. "Steady there boy….It's just me, Nick, little brother….How do you feel? Need anything?"

"Nick? I can't see." Heath said with alarm.

"Your eyes are swollen shut. They'll be alright once the swelling goes down." Nick assured his brother. He hated to see his brother so battered and distressed. He placed a cool cloth over his eyes. "There….How does that feel?"

"Mmmm…good. My face really hurts."

"I know….They should be back with the wagon soon and then we'll get you back to the ranch and the doctor will fix you up as good as new." Nick patted Heath on the shoulder hoping the gesture would relax him.

"Nick? Where's Watson?"

"Now just stop worrying about him. He's tied up to the wheel of the chuck wagon. Everyone and I mean everyone is keeping watch and making sure he stays right there." Nick told him assertively.

"I'm tired Nick."

"Well….you just sleep and let your big brother worry about Watson and the roundup and everything else going on around here." Nick watched his brother relax and drift off to sleep. The steady rise of Heath's chest told Nick that his brother was peacefully sleeping. He rose slowly and looked in the direction of Watson. The man was smirking as if proud of the discomfort he had caused Heath. Nick felt like punching that smirk right off his face but instead McCabe tied a blindfold over Watson's eyes and told him as long as Heath couldn't see neither would he. Nick smiled and looked down at his brother. "If only you knew Heath….If only you knew."

The wagon arrived early the next day, along with Victoria, Jarrod and the sheriff. Nick tried to warn them about Heath's appearance but they still gasped when they saw how battered Heath was. Victoria picked up Heath's hand, she felt him squeeze it.

"I'll be alright Ma am. Nick's been looking after me." Victoria smiled and looked at her middle son.

"I'm pleased to hear that Heath." She felt his hand relax as he went back to sleep. The constant pain in his chest and face drained him of all his strength. Victoria felt his forehead and was concerned with the warmth she felt there.

Nick directed Jarrod and the sheriff over to Watson. "This is the stinking skunk who did that to Heath." Nick pointed at Heath while making the statement.

"Your hand told us all about him and how Heath recognised him from the war."

"Yeah….Apparently he was in Caterson the same time as Heath and….get this….Heath said he killed a friend of his for a mouthful of fresh water. He was part of a gang called Raiders."

"I've heard of them. Every now and then one is brought to trial but unfortunately a lot have got away due to the fact that a lot of freed prisoners have died or were too sick to remember who these men were."

"They're not men sheriff…They're stinking animals."

"Yes well….I'm sure with Heath's testimony this one will get what he deserves in a military court."

"Heath mustn't have been more than a boy." Jarrod proclaimed. He looked over at his brother and watched his mother gently wipe a cool cloth over his bruised and swollen face.

"Sixteen years old Jarrod….Can you imagine living through that hellhole at that age?" Nick asked his brother solemnly.

"No Nick I can't." He sighed and thought back over the war and the months after its end. The vacant eyes of walking skeletons that were once robust, spirited fighting soldiers. "I'm glad he found us Nick. He needs us….I don't want him to feel alone, even if he doesn't end up staying. I want him to feel he has a home and family to come back to."

"Well now just a minute!"

"I mean it Nick!"

"Just hold it Jarrod and listen. I've just found my little brother and I'm not about to let him go….so this talk of him leaving…Forget it!"

Jarrod smiled at his brother and hugged him. He whispered in his ear, "I'm proud of you Brother Nick." Both brothers blinked away the threatening tears. "Well…Let's get this little brother of ours home. I can see Mother's liniment getting a work out." The brothers, with arms around each other's shoulders walked over to the wagon and got it prepared for their brother.

The sheriff left with one of the hands and his prisoner for Stockton. "I'll get a statement from Heath when he's feeling up to it."

"Thankyou Fred….I'll contact a few people I know in Washington and find out how he can be made answerable to the other charges."

"I'll do the same Jarrod. Take care of Heath."

They rode out quietly. The hands crowded round wanting to help load Heath into the wagon and make him comfortable. Jarrod and Victoria were surprised, Nick shrugged his shoulders. "It's been like this since they found out Heath was in Caterson."

After Heath was loaded onto the wagon and settled, one by one each hand indentified themself and told Heath to take care and not worry about the roundup; just get better. Heath in his usual quiet manner thanked each hand. When they finally started their trip home Heath was exhausted and fell asleep. Victoria sat beside him and continued to wipe the beads of sweat off his face. Heath held onto her hand drawing strength from her. Jarrod and Nick smiled at each other knowing their little brother was in good hands.

"Yep! That liniment is going to get a real workout." Both brothers laughed having been on the end of their mother's ministrations many times.

The doctor was waiting at the house. He quickly checked over Heath before moving him into the house. Everything happened at once. Shots were fired; everyone dropped to the ground. Jarrod and Nick pulled their guns and crouched in front of Heath searching for the sniper. When no more shots were fired Jarrod crept over to his mother who was hiding behind the wagon and quickly covered her as she ran into the house. He did the same with the doctor. Nick stood guard over Heath. Jarrod dragged Heath into the house while Nick in a crouched position followed scanning the terrain for any movement.

They all sighed with relief when they were all safely inside the house. Nick went out the back door around to the bunkhouse and sent one of the hands who had stayed behind to Stockton to get the sheriff.

Heath was settled into his room and the doctor reset his nose and set one of his ribs. They sat and waited for him to wake up. Ice reduced a lot of the swelling. For the first time in a couple of days Heath could finally open his eyes. Everything was blurry but he didn't mind; it was a relief to finally see again.

The doctor explained to Heath what he had done and gave him some pain relief which sent Heath off to sleep. "Watch his temperature Victoria and his breathing. He's been breathing shallowly for the past few days so he's at risk of developing pneumonia." Everyone except Audra left the room and escorted the doctor down to the door, just as he was leaving the sheriff arrived with three deputies.

"Heard you had some trouble." The sheriff stated knowingly.

Jarrod frowned at his statement and waited for the sheriff to elaborate.

"Federal marshals are on their way and they will take charge of Watson and take a statement from Heath. We've been told to guard him and make sure nothing happens to him. Seems a lot of surviving prisoners have been killed before they could testify against anyone to do with the prisons. So Tom and Jack will guard outside the house and Walt will guard Heath's room…If that's alright ma am."

Victoria looked at Jarrod, who nodded to her. "Yes that's fine Fred. Silas will you show Walt up to Heath's room and tell Audra that it's ok for him to be there."

"Yes Mrs Barkley." Silas walked the deputy up to the room.

"Is it that serious Fred?" Jarrod asked with concern.

"Yes. Apparently they have a file on this Watson…Statements from other prisoners but they need Heath for the positive identification."

"And they won't question Heath's statement?" Jarrod asked.

"Oh no! They know all about Heath. The marshal said and I quote. Guard Heath Thomas with your life. He is a recognised hero for coming forward. Seems some General from Washington has been looking for this man since the war."

"Well if that doesn't take the cake." Announced Nick. "A hero!"

"Hero or not, he's a very sick man at the moment so our first concerns are getting him well."

The sheriff left and the family sat down for supper. They were all quiet contemplating what the sheriff had informed them. Jarrod still intended to contact his friends to find out more. Nick thought about his promise to Heath and wondered if they could safely carry it out. He would keep it a secret between the three brothers for now.

Heath slumbered on oblivious to the wheels he had set in motion in Washington by identifying Sam Watson. Many official people had been looking for this man. Heath would bring closure to a lot of wounds for many people.


	6. Chapter 6

The marshals from Washington arrived three days later, not before several marshals were sent from San Francisco to take over from the deputies. Watson was also guarded by two marshals. The sheriff had never seen a prisoner so closely guarded.

Heath continued to recover, but was unable to lose the fever completely. Victoria worried that Heath would suddenly take a downward turn, knowing the fever hadn't left him for a reason. Audra read to him and fussed over him continuously. He enjoyed the rapport he was developing with his sister.

It was mid morning and the atmosphere in the house had changed dramatically. No one seemed to be able to produce a genuine smile and Heath could feel that they were all hiding something from him. He asked everyone what was wrong but received the same answer of 'Nothing, everything's fine, just rest." Heath felt uneasy.

The bedroom door opened and suddenly his small bedroom, compared to everyone else's bedroom was crowded. Jarrod quickly closed the distance between him and Heath's bed when he saw the alarmed look on his brother's face.

"Heath….This is US Federal Marshal William Masters. He's here to take a statement from you and to witness you make a positive identification of Sam Watson." Jarrod stepped back and allowed the marshal to approach Heath's bed.

"Billy! It's been a long time." Heath held out his hand to shake with the marshal. Jarrod looked at Victoria and Nick with surprise.

"That it has Heath my boy….Still popping those eyeballs?"

"Only on stags when I get a chance to do some serious hunting."

The marshal smiled and then took on a serious façade. "I know this will be hard for you and dredge up some unpleasant memories but I need a full statement from you about Caterson and Watson. When they compare this statement with the one taken shortly after your release there will be no doubts about your identity and what you witnessed."

Heath nodded and swallowed hard. He didn't know that he would have to talk about his time in Caterson but knew that it had to be done to make Watson accountable. He concentrated on his old regiment Sergeant's face as he began his statement. As Heath spoke Jarrod, Victoria and to a lesser degree, Nick listened shocked that these proud men had been subjected to such terrible conditions and that not only had to worry about the Confederate guards but also their own union soldiers within the walls of the prison.

When Heath finished his statement Sam Watson was brought into his room and Heath officially identified him. Watson was gagged so that he couldn't make any remarks to Heath but Heath could see the hatred in the prisoner's eyes. When Watson was taken away the marshal explained what was going to happen next, to Heath.

"Sam Watson wasn't a union soldier, he was a confederate soldier. We believe that he was secretly sent into the prison in a union uniform to rob prisoners of what little valuables they may have and to stop them from receiving any medicine or as in your case clean water that had been bribed from a guard. That's why he escaped being caught. He would leave the prison when other soldiers got too close to catching him. He was also sent in to murder certain prisoners. It was done all so elaborately so that no one person could be held accountable."

"So he'll be tried for Banter's murder?" Heath asked.

"Oh yes. General Sherman will make sure of that. Banter was his nephew and he has been searching for answers on his nephew's murder since the end of the war. He wants to meet you Heath and personally thank you."

"He doesn't need to thank me. I'm just doing what any friend would do." Heath felt uncomfortable. He didn't want to be made out to be some sort of hero, he just wanted to get on with life on the ranch and put Caterson finally to rest. Unlocking the prison walls within his mind and allowing the memories to escape was taking its toll on Heath. Jarrod was the first one to notice that Heath was becoming extremely tired. He also saw beads of sweat starting to form on his face.

"Gentlemen I think Heath needs to take a break." Jarrod nodded towards the door and led the marshals out of Heath's room. "Mother, Heath's temperature is up again."

The family struggled with Heath's temperature for the rest of the day. In his delirium Heath battled with the escaped memories and at times fought Nick and Jarrod as he relived Caterson. The doctor tried various medicines and when his temperature spiked to an alarming height Heath was immersed into a tepid bath. Around two in the morning his fever finally broke and after being cleaned and bed linen changed Heath finally fell into a deep restful sleep.

Jarrod felt guilty for allowing the Federal Marshal to take a statement from Heath before he was completely well. Victoria pointed out to him that it was inevitable that this fever would get worse and if Heath had died then Sam Watson would have got away with his crimes and Heath wouldn't have wanted that. Jarrod agreed. He looked at his mother with a sadness she had not seen since he returned from the war. "What is it Jarrod?"

"Oh mother that boy has suffered so much. How do we make it up to him to make his life happier and more fulfilling?"

"That's simple son. We love him. We can't take away those memories but we can give him new memories of love, a family, caring….show him just how much we need him to be here with us. Nick has taken those first steps and it's up to all of us to show Heath and make him realise that he is an important part of this family."

Jarrod kissed his mother's forehead. "As always lovely lady you are right."

Sam Watson was safely delivered to Washington and it wasn't long before several government officials were arrested. He had sung a long list of names hoping to avoid the death penalty. He hadn't counted on General Sherman's influence over the panel of judge's final sentence.

Heath met General Sherman along with his family in a secluded room in the parliament house of Sacramento. The general was instantly taken with the quiet young man who spoke of his nephew's friendship with a sixteen year old who was sick and dying. Sherman could see why his nephew had become friends with Heath, they were very much alike. Heath was awarded a medal which had personally been approved by President Grant. Heath asked for the medal to honoured in the name of Sherman's nephew because if it wasn't for him Heath surely would have died in that prison. Sherman accepted it on behalf of his nephew.

Two months later as Heath, Nick and Jarrod watched the sun rise over the valley, from the balcony of their lodge, on the other side of the country, Sam Watson along with four other prominent government officials were hanged. The three men saluted lost comrades and Heath quietly whispered, "Rest in peace Banter."


End file.
